No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
