Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
