I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I puked a lego.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
