My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Never underestimate the power of titties
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