i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
