We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
