Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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