I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
