There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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