I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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