Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
