I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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