I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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