i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
