and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Blood and glitter go together right?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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