My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
