the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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