Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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