Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
