my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
