when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
love makes seman taste better
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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