We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
