He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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