i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
