The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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