um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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