I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
