We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
