I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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