K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
