So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Liz is crying about burritos again.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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