dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
