there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
