She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
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