Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
