I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
