Are we in a gay sports bar?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
