Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
