piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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