I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
