The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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