So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
