laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
