oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
