well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
