dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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