I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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