..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
