I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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