so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize