official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
