I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
