I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
