Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
