Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Randomize
