I want to have your abortion
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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