when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
