I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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