I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
