She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
