He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
