You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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