There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
