tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
