it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
