Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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