I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
