I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
