Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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