i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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