it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
