Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
