I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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