I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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