I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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